This November, for Men’s Health Awareness Month, psychotherapist and dramatherapist Noel McDermott is urging greater recognition of the father-son relationship as a vital component of men’s and boys’ mental health. He believes that by strengthening these bonds, families and communities can become more resilient.
McDermott said: “If there is a freight train loaded with research and books on the mother/daughter relationship there might just be enough to fill the boot of a family sized car for boys and fathers! It is obvious to all of us that child mental health and well-being is linked to caregiving. Not in a blame way, but in a way that we all understand, kids are dependent on us, they need us for support and crucially for being well. When a child has a mental health problem it would be unusual not to include the parents in the solution. Research in Australia, which can be used as a useful guide to us, shows that only about 20% of parents who attend mental health sessions with kids are fathers.”
The importance of paternal engagement
McDermott highlights that father-son engagement plays a crucial role in the development of children and argues that many challenges facing boys could be reduced if fathers were more involved. However, he acknowledges that this can be difficult when men are often the primary earners or part of dual-income households.
He points to growing evidence that men, like women, experience emotional distress linked to unwanted childlessness, including higher rates of illness, depression and substance misuse. “Kids need dads and dads need kids, but specifically dads need sons and vice versa,” he said.
What boys gain from their fathers
McDermott explains that fathers can model positive social behaviour for their sons. While mothers may sometimes be dismissed when addressing issues such as sexism or antisocial behaviour, fathers can have a distinct influence through example. “Interventions that work best to correct poor behaviour by dad are those that stress love of the son but sadness they have fallen below expected standards of behaviour. Boys are constantly looking for how to behave like a man. Dad can and does play that role.”
He adds that fathers can also support their sons in understanding healthy relationships and consent. “Safer sex and more engagement in relational aspects of sex when guided by dad. Dads can provide lived experience of the challenges and how they have practically solved them and play a central role in understanding consent.”
McDermott notes that even when parents live separately, a father’s involvement still improves outcomes for his children. Time spent with parents generally protects against illness and antisocial behaviour, but for boys, time with their fathers appears to bring additional benefits.
“Being a kind dad, rather than a disciplinarian dad is the seam of gold for boys,” he said. “Guys know just how much fear we have often around each other. Kind dads take that away and allow kind boys to have loads of friends and be successful in the world.”
Tackling online toxicity
In light of concerns about the rise of online misogyny and the so-called “manosphere,” McDermott believes that positive father-son engagement can serve as a counterbalance to harmful influences. He said: “To all dads out there I’d say it’s obviously a challenge with all your other commitments, but hopefully you can see how crucial you are for your boy.”
McDermott suggests that fathers use the psychological principle of “habit stacking” to build stronger relationships with their sons.
How to strengthen father-son bonds
- Piggyback on existing routines. Look for daily activities that can include your son, such as walking part of the commute together or involving him in practical tasks. “Remember most of all, your boy just wants your time.”
- Build habits gradually. “Activities we do without much thought or decision-making happen,” McDermott said. He advises fathers to “chase consistency, not commitment. Make time for your son.”
Supporting men’s mental health
McDermott has more than 30 years’ experience across health, social care, education and criminal justice. He runs Men’s Mental Health Works (MMHW), a specialist service from Mental Health Works that helps men and boys navigate issues around health, wellbeing and masculinity.
His call for stronger father involvement reflects a wider global concern. Research has shown that children of fathers with depression face a significantly higher risk of developing mental health issues themselves, underscoring the need to support men as parents as well as individuals.
McDermott’s message is simple: fathers matter. By investing time and care in their sons, men can strengthen not only their children’s emotional wellbeing but also their own.
